The year before I left
by YetAnotherFan2010
Summary: Prequel to " The day you came back". Jasper likes Edward's eyes on him but denies the reason why...


Hi! This is a prequel to "The Day You Came Back" told in Jasper's point of view. This is also a one shot. Enjoy :)

The Year Before I Left

I sensed Edward's stare on me once again. From the corner of my eyes, I peeked and saw him sneaking glances my way, his eyes lingering too long to be innocent. It was as if he was savoring the sight, appreciating every inch of my body.

Edward often looked at me. It was always secretive. His eyes would cautiously gaze from under his long lashes and they would travel down my face, to my mouth, my neck and lower to my chest. He would look at my hands with fascination. He didn't think I ever noticed it. But it was impossible not to. My whole body knew when his eyes were on me. I felt alive under his gaze. My heartbeats were stronger and my skin sizzled. His eyes warmed me until my whole being burned.

I liked his eyes on me.

I forced my eyes off of him and looked around at our group of friends. We were all sitting at one of the picnic tables in the schoolyard. None of them noticed the way Edward gawked at me. Alice leaned against me. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her petite frame. I barely noticed how the warm feelings inside of me disappeared and the usual numbness took over. I looked back at Edward but he was gone. I wanted to let go of Alice but she twisted in my embrace and smiled sweetly at me.

"Hey babe, what are you doing after school?" she purred.

I shrugged, feeling up to nothing suddenly.

"Why don't you come over to my place later, we could watch a movie or something," she suggested, her eyebrows lifting up seductively.

I considered her offer briefly. We both knew I would say yes. Alice and I were friends with benefits. Everybody told me that I would break her heart in the end because she really liked me. But she knew I wasn't looking for anything serious.

"Sure." I answered mechanically just as the school bell rang. I was relieved lunch was over. I swiftly swung my bag over my shoulder and bent down to kiss her forehead. "See ya later, darling."

As I walked to class, I told myself Alice would help me feel better. I needed a warm body to touch me. I needed to feel that crazy heartbeat in my ribcage, the blood pumping through my veins and the sweat pouring out of my pores. I needed to feel alive and desired. And Alice could provide this for me.

I ignored the twinge of guilt deep inside.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

"I made cookies for you and your friends," Edward's mom said as she walked into the living room with a tray of treats.

Tyler, Bree, Edward and I had been assigned to do a group project for English together and we were gathered in Edward's living room with books and construction papers all around us.

"Thanks mom," Edward answered as he quickly got up to help his mom and took the tray from her. He was always so considerate.

"Thank you, Esme," I said as I grabbed a cookie a little too eagerly before Edward's had time to set the tray on the coffee table. My fingers brushed Edward's and something alike an electric shock burnt me. I retracted my hand too fast and my wrist pressed a little too hard on the tray by accident. The tray started swaying, and Edward seemed to lose hold of it so I quickly grabbed the tray as well, helping to stabilize it before placing it on the coffee table.

"Yay, you saved the cookies," Bree grinned at me, her sparkling brown eyes staying on me too long.

I returned her smile with difficulty. I was stunned by that weird sensation that had traveled through me when my fingers had touched his. Edward chuckled but it sounded a little nervous. His voice was near and I could feel his breath on my cheek. I shivered a little. I looked at his flushed cheeks and the way he was fidgeting. I wondered if he had felt it too.

"Well, Esme's cookies are too damn good to go to waste," I joked uneasily, moving away from Edward.

"They are good!" Tyler mumbled with a mouth full of cookies.

We all laughed. I felt his eyes on me then, and I glanced his way. His face was still flushed and he had a small, timid smile. When my eyes locked with his, his green orbs flickered and something clenched inside my chest. I tore my gaze away and stared at a book feeling all kind of weird.

"So, how should we start this project?" I asked the group.

I didn't look back at him once during that afternoon, even when I was aware of his eyes on me.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

"Jazzy," my sister called me from her room. "Em just texted me that him and Eddie wanna go to the beach. What do you say?"

There was a tiny stab in my chest. I was often jealous of Emmett and Edward's friendship. I always wondered why Edward and I never got to become closer friends. There was always a wall around him when it came to me, and it made me mad.

Rosie made her way to my room, a huge smile on her face.

"So? Wanna go?"

"Yeah I guess so." I shrugged.

Rosie squealed and clapped her hands, running back to her room. My sister had become extremely girly since she had started dating my best friend Em last year.

"They'll come and pick us up in an hour!" She yelled back from the bathroom.

When Em and Edward arrived, Rosie and I joined them.

Edward, the forever gallant gentleman, jumped out of the car.

"Hey Rosie, sit up front with Em," he offered to my sister with a perfect smile as he held the door for her.

I took my seat in the back, an incomprehensible feeling of unease nestling in my chest.

"Yo, dude!" Emmett greeted me and turned half way. "I heard Lauren will be down at La Push with her friends." He whispered, wiggling his eyebrows.

Edward slid next to me and slammed the door without uttering a word. Em and I glanced his way, surprised by the negative vibes coming from him.

"Eddie, is everything cool?" Em asked, concerned.

Edward nodded and attempted to give us a half-smile before turning his head to stare out the window. Em and I exchanged a questioning look before Em turned around and started driving.

I glanced over to Edward. He stood all the way on the other side of the car, his jaw clenched, his arms crossed over his chest, while he started outside. There was this familiar distance between the two of us, and for some reason, it was pissing me off.

"We still have to make one stop," Rosie mentioned, a wicked smile on her face. "Ali and Bella are coming with us."

Emmett laughed and accused her of playing matchmaker.

"Fuckin' perfect," Edward mumbled, too low for the other two to hear.

I felt my chest tighten uncomfortably.

Alice had a huge grin and waved when we parked. Bella had a shy smile on her face and gazed at Edward.

I slid to the middle to allow the girls to settle in. Alice jumped in first and sat close to me, giving me the googley eyes. When she grabbed my hand, I scooted further away on a pretext to give Bella and her more space.

The tiny tingles that spread through my side as my leg brushed against his thigh took me by surprise. I simultaneously wanted to pull away and press it harder against his. My body yearned to feel more. As the girls settled in, they were chatting excitedly with Rosie but their voices seemed far away, muffled by the weird, sizzling sensations that my contact with Edward created.

Ali slid all the way until her side was flushed against mine. I noticed that her warmth wasn't as intense or as blissful as his.

She leaned really close to me. "Maybe I should sit on your lap," she giggled. "I don't think we can fit four of us in the back."

I moved even more to the left, towards the attractive warmth, until my side and his were glued together.

"I think we can manage to all fit," I replied to her with a strained smile.

I ignored the shaky inhale he took, and the goose bumps that erupted on my skin as his exhale showered around me. I felt ashamed of the stir down below and took deep inhales to control myself.

I didn't turn to look at him once during the twenty minutes ride. But I was so alert to his flesh against mine, to my heart pounding harder than usual, to my own shaky breath. I was way too aware of his nearness.

I tried to keep my focus on the others to avoid my body from betraying me. I forced myself to joke and laugh, and I was loud on purpose to hide the burning feeling creeping under my flesh.

Once at the beach, I easily escaped, making my way to Lauren's crew to put on the charm. I needed a distraction real bad. The girls were giggling and I continued to flirt shamelessly.

I peeked towards my friends and Rosie glared at me while consoling Alice. I sheepishly looked away, towards the sea, and noticed Edward swimming. He was far but I could still make out his silhouette. I could see his muscles rippling with each stroke and the water glittering on his bare flesh. Something deep inside of me twisted and I felt a rush of heat spread through me.

I swiftly looked back at Lauren.

"Wanna go somewhere more private?" I whispered in her ear. She grinned and followed me.

I leaned against a tree and looked down at Lauren on her knees. I tried, really tried, to keep him out of my head when I came forcefully inside of her mouth.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

I woke up startled. I was hot and a little sweaty. I stayed in bed, my eyes wide open towards the ceiling, swallowing the blackness of the room.

What was this dream about?

I felt kind of nauseous. I rubbed my temples but my hands were shaking.

The drumming of my heart was loud and painful.

I squeezed my eyes shut in order to erase the vivid images but I had to reopen them immediately because I could still see them.

I shook my head wildly to get rid of the memories of my dream and rushed out of bed. I went to take a shower, a cold shower, and ignored the attention my body was asking for.

When I went back to bed, I cried myself back to sleep.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

Tanya waited for me by the door after class. She was tall, beautiful and one of the most popular girls in school.

"Hey Jazz, are you going to the dance next Friday?"

"Why are you asking, darling?" I teased.

She smiled and licked her pink lips. I leaned closer enjoying the game.

Students were coming in for the next class and we were shoved even closer to each other. It felt good. She bit her lip and I smiled, my eyes glued to her mouth.

"So what do you say Jazzy," she breathed. "You and me, next Friday, at the dance?"

I was about to answer when I felt the warmth of an arm brush against my back. My body quivered of its own accord.

I saw Edward from the corner of my eyes as he settled in. I couldn't stop from remembering my dream. It made me feel angry and alive and hot. My breath faltered and Tanya's eyes darkened at my reaction, her fingers playing with my jacket.

Edward looked up and our eyes connected. He noticeably stiffened and quickly dropped his gaze down.

I felt like a jerk even though I knew I didn't do anything wrong. I pulled Tanya into the hallway, far away from him. I was avoiding him. And when I couldn't avoid him, I ignored him. And when I was incapable of ignoring him, I pretended all the same.

"We should head to class," I said, walking towards the gym.

"But, Jazzy, you still haven't answered me," she purred.

I turned around and pulled her against me, my hands on her hips. It helped bring me back to the present.

"At what time should I pick you up, baby?" I asked, my nose skimming the length of her neck. I realized that forgetting about the dream and green eyes boring into me was actually easy when there was a girl's body flushed against me.

Later, when I got to lunch, Pete attacked me.

"So? Tanya Denali, huh?"

I smirked. "Yep."

"Tanya fuckin' Denali," he repeated dreamily.

Garrett smacked the back of Pete's head playfully and they started play fighting. I sat down next to Em. Edward was sitting diagonally from me. His eyes were not on me and I was ignoring him, but I was still aware of his presence and it made me feel weird.

"She's hot! Lucky bastard," Em quipped.

I punched him in the shoulder. " Watch it, dude! I'll tell my sister!" I warned him jokingly.

Edward's laugh mixed in with the others. It sounded off.

"Man, when Eddie told us about it, we couldn't wait to hear the details!"

My heart jumped into my throat. Automatically, I glanced his way, the ignoring act forgotten for a second, and our eyes met. He was smiling with the others but there was something missing from his expression. It made me cringe on the inside.

"I can't wait for the dance. It's gonna be a blast." Garrett cheered. "Eddie, you should ask Bella! It'll be perfect!" He exclaimed.

Edward blushed and shook his head.

"I'm actually not going. I have to do something with the family," he explained.

"Eddie, come on! She's been dying for you to ask her out. Rosie told me." Em argued.

I kinda wanted to punch Emmett.

"Ali is a hundred percent sure you two are meant to be," Pete added.

"Yep, Katie too," Garr agreed.

I felt my stomach twist and turn. It was kind of hurting.

"The girls are just being ridiculous. And anyway, I really can't make it. There's nothing I can do to change my parents plans," Edward apologized.

Garrett nudged Edward then and we all looked towards the girls who were approaching. I felt his eyes glance my way and noticed panic in his gaze.

As soon as the girls settled, Em turned to Bella.

"So Bella, do you have a date for the dance?"

Bella didn't get a chance to answer because Edward stood so fast the whole table grew quiet.

"I… I forgot I had to go talk to Mr. Banner about an assignment." He said before rushing away.

I stared at my food, not feeling hungry suddenly. Pete looked at me with concern and I became uneasy.

"What?" I barked.

"Are you sure this is okay?" He asked nervously, pointing between him and Ali, who were holding hands.

I almost wanted to laugh because they were the last things on my mind.

"Of course. I told you already, I'm glad for the two of you."

***===***===***J&E===***===***

Uncle Marcus and Aunt Didy were visiting us from Texas with their two children Jane and Alec. My dad was excited about seeing his brother and his family. He made mom cook a huge meal for them.

Rosie and I were not really close to them. We think they never really considered us as family because we were adopted and, therefore, not blood relatives. It didn't really matter because they lived so far from all of us anyway.

We all sat down at the dining room table, eating great southern food and catching up on each other's lives. Dad and uncle Marcus talked about everybody from their past. It was funny to watch. Rosie and Jane actually got along pretty well, talking about their boyfriends and dresses for the upcoming dance. Mom was busy running in and out of the kitchen and not really enjoying the meal she took so long to cook. Aunt Didy was quiet and didn't say much. Alec and I talked about football some but then ran out of things to say so we started listening to our dads' conversation.

"Pop, did you tell uncle about what happened to that Biers kid?"

"Maggie's son?" Dad asked, curious.

"Yep, she changed a lot from back in the days, and her son, Riley was a disgusting little shit-head." Uncle spat.

"He was a year behind me at school and had no friends," Alec continued. "He was a queer and we all knew it."

My heart dropped at the cursed word. Edward's face immediately came to my mind.

"The police found him dead behind the creek about a month ago," Uncle said.

"Good riddance!" Alec exclaimed with no hint of sorrow.

I held on to my knife with all my might. I forced myself to keep on breathing.

I felt sick.

"Couldn't he be saved?" Dad asked. "I heard the church could cure them."

"He was damned, brother. He was too deep in his sins to be saved."

"Poor Maggie," dad said. "I don't know what I would do if one of my children ended up gay."

"Well, you don't know who their real parents were so you never know what could happen," Uncle Marcus stated.

Dad frowned and glared at his brother. "They are our children. We raised them since they were toddlers. If they turn gay, it will be our faults!"

I couldn't understand the turmoil inside of me. I wasn't gay so I shouldn't be affected that way. But that dream of Edward, and the warmth that came with his touches, and the delight of his eyes on me, made me feel guilty. It made me feel ashamed.

That night, alone in the darkness of my room, I cried myself to sleep once again.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

We were cramming tents and sleeping bags and chips and hotdogs in my truck, excited about our camping trip. We were celebrating senior year.

"Don't forget the flashlights!" Rosie reminded me as she carried her duffle bag over.

"Don't worry babe, we got everything." Em said as he grabbed her bag and threw it in the trunk.

I looked around and checked everything.

"I think we're good to go!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, man, let's get this show on the road!" Em cheered climbing in the truck.

When we got to our campsite, Gar and his girlfriend Katie were already there. The girls went to check out the surroundings while we started to unpack the cars. Soon after, Pete, Ali and Edward showed up.

"What's up," Pete hollered at us as he approached, Edward by his side. Ali was already making her way to the girls by the river.

"Where's Bella," Em asked Edward.

I ignored the fact that I still got annoyed when people associated Edward with Bella.

Edward shrugged. "Apparently Chief Swan didn't let her come. He thinks it's too dangerous to spend a night in the woods."

"Hey, Jay, what about… uhm… Chelsea? Victoria? Bree?" Pete teased me.

"You mean Leah?" I replied with a smirk.

I realized that Edward didn't think it was funny to list all the girls I have fucked recently. He made me feel self-conscious.

"So I guess you and Eddie will share a tent, then? It's not worth it to put up an extra one when you two can sleep in the same one." Em casually stated.

My stupid heart accelerated as I nodded coolly.

"Well we have the extra tent so why not just use it," Edward said as calmly as possible, his eyes looking everywhere but at us.

"Hoping that Bella will sneak out later and run to you in the middle of the night," Em teased.

Edward rolled his eyes and forced a smile towards Em. "Whatever, dude," he mumbled, grabbing a grocery bag from the trunk and bringing it over to the picnic table.

Later that evening, we all sat around the campfire after some greasy meal. We were drinking some beers. Edward, Pete and I had our guitars out. We were chilling and sharing stories about our years of friendships while jamming a little. We laughed a lot. It was one of those nights that I would remember for a long time.

And yet, I dreaded the moment we would have to go to sleep. The four tents behind me taunted me. I glanced at Edward, his face was glowing from the fire. He was playing some pop rock song, looking down at the chords. He looked relaxed and happy, and I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. His eyes rose to meet mine and we stared at each other. Something happened between us right then and it was as if we were communicating without words, as if we connected on a deeper level. My chest tightened with unknown emotions.

The sound of glass shattering and Emmett's growl snapped us out of it. Rosie was laughing at Em whose pants were stained with beer.

"It looks like you peed on yourself, baby," she told him.

"Well, I think it's the universe telling me it's time to lose my pants," he winked at her. Her smile dropped and she got up.

She turned to us. "Uhm… we're… we're going to bed."

"Actually, I'm tired too," Katie said, looking pointedly at Garr.

He nodded and followed her. It was not long after that Pete and Ali left too.

Suddenly, Edward and I were the only ones left.

I finished my beer in one long gulp, hoping to calm my nerves. I took a deep breath and looked at Edward. His disheveled hair covered his eyes as he stroke his guitar softly.

"Uhm, ready to go to bed?" I asked, feeling my face flush at the double meaning.

He didn't respond right away. He continued to jam on his guitar, his eyes lowered.

"I can't," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

"You can't what?" I wondered out loud. "You're not tired?"

I saw the corner of his mouth lift up in a small, crooked smile. He looked up at me and I could see fear in his eyes.

I wanted to cross over the fire pit and console him but I stayed frozen, feeling as afraid as him.

"I can't go in this tent with you. I… I just can't." he pled, begging me to understand and let it go.

"Edward, we're just gonna sleep. Nothing else." I explained, hoping to make him feel better. "What else do you think would happen?" I joked but regretted it instantly. The hurt and shame in his eyes made me cringe. The images of my dream flowed in my head. I swallowed hard and tore my eyes away from him.

"I'm sorry Jasper. I wish I could be your friend and sleep in the same tent with you, but I can't. I can't lay next to you, knowing that nothing else could ever happen. It's too hard."

I couldn't breathe. My heart jumped into my throat, my chest tugging hard.

"I want so much more with you. I'm stupid in love with you." He rasped, his gaze far away.

I shook my head. That's all I could do to not swoon and surrender. His words were so pure and so sweet, I wanted them to be possible. My whole body ached to go to him. I was burning with wants. So I shook my head harder and stayed still on my side of the fire pit, far away from him.

He shook his head too, as if trying to rid himself of his thoughts. He looked defeated and tired. He looked at me with a sad smile, his eyes shining with grief.

He got up then and walked away. I watched him go, my insides being wrenched, tearing my inner core to pieces. I continued to stare into the dark way after I could still see him. When I finally got up, I walked towards him, away from the tent. I found him in Pete's car. I opened the door and looked down at him. His face was blotched from crying, his lips fuller than usual and his eyes red and swollen.

"Edward, please don't cry," I said, my voice breaking with emotion. My hand went to his face on its own accord and I watched my hand brushing his hair with tender. It felt simple and easy, and the thought of it made me feel weird and scared.

"It can't happen. It's impossible. But it's not the end of the world, Edward. If you could just let yourself be with a girl, you'll see that this is not all there is. Girls can make you feel good and alive and wanted."

"Jasper, I'm gay. I don't want to be with any girl. I don't want to be with anybody else than you."

His words spread through me like fire. He kept saying all the right things. They were the most romantic words I would probably hear somebody say to me. But I had to reject him.

My dad's words haunted me. My uncle and cousin's story about this kid killed for being gay reminded me that nothing could ever happen between Edward and I.

"Being gay is a choice, Edward." I asserted as calmly as possible. "You can chose to not act on it, to be with girls, to be normal and accepted and happy. Why chose a difficult path, where people will mistreat you and hurt you."

He stared at me in shock. He didn't utter a word. I continued to convince him, convincing myself at the same time.

I finally turned around and went to sleep in the tent. I held my tears in that night, too nervous that somebody would be able to hear me cry.

Edward never came in the tent. He slept the whole night in the car. And I felt lonelier than ever.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

I was getting wasted, doing shots, playing drinking games, flirting and making out with random chicks. It was a wild party at Emmett's. We had just graduated and it was time to celebrate and get stupid drunk.

I pealed myself off of a Sophomore and tumbled into the kitchen to grab another beer. Edward was there with a few of our classmates, looking way too serious for a party. He took a swig from his beer, his eyes glancing my way for only a short minute. I hated that his eyes rarely stayed on me since our little talk during our camping trip. I kept my eyes on him while I approached the group by the counter. They were somewhat blurry and I knew I was totally plastered.

"Hey buddies," I slurred. "Let's have a toast to the future!"

Ben and Eric cheered with me, clinking our beer together. I spilled most of my cup by accident.

"Fuck," I cursed.

"Jasper," Edward chastised like if I were a little kid.

I turned to face him. "Yes, Edward, I'm drunk and enjoying myself. It's a fucking party for Christ's sake!"

His eyes widened dramatically as he stared at me. I smirked and licked my lips and enjoyed seeing his eyes flickering to my mouth. I was freacking flirting with Edward. I had to stop it immediately.

A whole flock of Juniors passed by us, none of them able to walk straight. One of the guys shoved me by accident and I almost fell in my state of inebriation. Edward caught me and I could feel the fire of his touch burn my skin. His hands stayed on me as he directed me to lean my back against the counter for balance. He faced me, his eyes dark and sexy.

"You're okay?" He asked.

I smiled. "I'm more than fine."

Time froze for a long, heated second. Our eyes were locked and tension fumed between us.

Then everything moved quickly. The kitchen got overly crowded, a large group passed by us and Edward was shoved against me. At the same moment, somebody turned off the light. Everybody screamed and cheered. It was loud and dark, and I couldn't pay them any mind. I was focused solely on Edward. His body grazed mine and it was driving me crazy. I might have let a whimper escape in my desperation. His whole body flushed against mine. His breath was loud and labored and my heart was drumming like a madman. I could feel all of him and it felt sinful. I was completely aroused and needy. He shifted a little and we both groaned, thankful for the friction.

In that moment, everything about having a choice was proven wrong. I reacted to Edward in a way I had never reacted to any girls. I was hard and horny for him and I couldn't do anything about it but feel. And I could feel all of him, warm and wanting and whimpering against me.

It felt sinful. It felt heavenly.

The moment was instantly broken when the light was switched back on and coldness washed over me as Edward pushed away so fast and disappeared through the crowd.

I closed my eyes tightly, feeling dizzy.

Soft hands caressed my chest and traced interesting patterns over my shirt. It helped me regain some control, pulling me back to reality. I opened my eyes to see Maria watching me with a tantalizing smile. I winked at her and leaned forward. My lips grazed her ear as I whispered charming lies to her. We talked and touched and soon after we kissed, and before we knew it, we were heading upstairs to find an empty room.

Between the alcohol and my teenage lust, I was lost in the moment. Touching, kissing, rubbing. Pleasure took over everything and it felt amazing. Until the door opened and Edward was standing there, his face contorted in pain, his eyes bleak and shocked. He swiftly turned away and left us. I felt frozen, my desire drowned in a bucket of ice. Something deep inside ached horribly. I wanted to run after him but I knew I shouldn't. Maria laughed and pulled me back down toward her. I resisted and stared at her. I felt disgusted with her, with me, with what we were about to do. I untangled myself from her and pulled away.

"I'm sorry but I should really go find Edward. He didn't look well."

She rolled her eyes, laughing, and pushed herself up to a sitting position on the bed.

"His virgin mind just got traumatized by what he saw. He'll get over it. Maybe it will even help him to grow some."

I put my jeans on and walked out. I heard her call after me but I didn't care.

I didn't look for Edward, because I couldn't face him, and so I just left the party and went outside, the fresh air embracing me nicely. I walked home and passed out on the living room couch.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

A piercing scream from upstairs startled me awake. I felt disoriented. I didn't know where I was. I looked around but the light coming through the window was blinding.

I slumped back down of the sofa and shut my eyes closed. My head was hurting like shit and I had a mean hangover.

Something was nagging at me from the inside, making my chest ache. I could still remember the mixture of strong feelings from my dream. It was leaving me a bad aftertaste.

Hurried steps rushed towards me and Rosalie plopped herself next to me on the sofa.

"Did you hear me scream earlier?" She asked with excitement.

"I think all of Forks heard you, Rosie!" I answered sarcastically, keeping my eyes closed to soothe my headache.

"Well… ask me why, Jazzy."

I groaned and pretended to be asleep. It didn't work, Rosie kept talking.

"I was on the phone with Bella," she said, stopping for dramatic effect, "and she just told me that her and Eddie finally got together!" She cheered with pure joy, jumping up and down and making the whole sofa shake. My nausea worsened and I felt dizzy.

"Isn't this great? After all this time of pining after each other, they finally did it. I knew they were meant for each other."

I rolled off the sofa and ran to the bathroom and threw up.

***===***===***J&E===***===***

We were all sitting at the diner. The whole crew. It was only the beginning of the summer but we were feeling the changes of life after high school. Rosie, Kate and I would start college in Seattle in the fall. Alice and Pete were also coming to Seattle since Ali got a year internship in some fashion agency and Pete was following her. Emmett had already started working at the construction site with his dad and Garr was working full-time now as a mechanic.

Edward was the only one moving far away. He was going to Berkley University. I told myself it was for the best. He messed me up sometimes and I wished he didn't make me feel the way I feel when he's near.

I glanced at him. Bella was clenching his hand tightly. He was looking around but he appeared tensed. He seemed worried and tired. His eyes fell on mine and we stared for a few seconds. His eyes were shining but there was no happiness. I wondered if he wanted to cry.

"So, uhm, Eddie and I have something to tell you guys," Bella's soft voice interrupted our moment.

He tore his eyes away from mine and looked at his girlfriend and smiled. She nudged him a little and asked him to be the one to tell us.

"Yes, we have great news to share and you guys are the most important people in our lives so we want you to be the first to know. We're having a baby and we're getting married."

We all gasped at the same time and then the girls shrieked with excitement and the guys threw profanities of congratulations and encouragement.

But me, I never exhaled out. I held my breath in, afraid of letting anything out, afraid of what scream or cry or plea would come out of my mouth if I let go of my breath.

They were all hugging and shaking hands and I couldn't even see his face with everybody around them.

I felt like I was falling into a dark hole. I blamed myself. I told him to go for her. I told him to choose not to be gay. But it hurt all the same.

When we all parted that night. I hugged Bella and congratulated her. And then I shook Edward's hand, our eyes locked, and I tried to congratulate him but nothing came out. He didn't say a word either. It felt final.

I stayed far away from everybody the whole summer. I planned my escape secretly. And right after the wedding, I left. Without a warning. Without an explanation. Without a goodbye.

...

I hope you liked it and that it was insightful for those of you who had read "The Day You Came Back" before... Which one would you suggest to read first?

Please, leave me a note. I love hearing back from all of you! xoxo


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